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New York, New York, United States
"Life isn't divided into genres. It's a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel."

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Girl Scout bailout

So according to a recent CNN article, the Girl Scouts average about $700 million a year in cookie sales. $700 million!!! What in the name of holy hell do they spend those millions on? More yarn for their arts and crafts projects? Is the material for their little green uniforms that costly?? Do they get bonuses or something? Go on vacation to the Cayman Islands? (I was too shy as a kid to join the Girl Scouts so I honestly have no idea what the heck they get up to.)

$700 million. jesus. I was suddenly struck with the idea...why don't THEY bailout the government? It's ingenious. EVERYone buys their cookies, right? Come on, you'd be inhuman or severely diabetic if you haven't scarfed down an entire box of thin mints at least once in your life. Soooo the Girl Scouts should take their millions upon millions to produce even more boxes of cookies and launch a massive WORLDWIDE cookie-selling campaign to double...nay...triple their profits. With those profits, they bailout the US government, and everyone is happy because the economy is back on track and because we'll all be wondrously fat and high from the excessive sugar-intake.

Obama, I'll be willing to draft a more detailed initiative for this...you just give me the green light and I'll get right on it.


Anonymous said...

The cookie proceeds for each girl are put into an account for them to use for council sponsored programs. For instance, little Sally’s parents are having hard economic times and cannot afford to send her to camp, or have the money to let her participate in programs that the rest of her troop is attending. Sally can sell a bunch of cookies and pay for these programs with her earnings. Please don’t forget, the Girl Scouts is a NON PROFIT organization…

rowena said...

Dear Anonymous:

Thanks for the comment. I do hope you know I was joking around. To wit: being facetious. Now, can you get little Sally to give me a couple dozen boxes of Samoas?